One line from his prayer touched me so deeply that I remember it even after these many weeks. He prayed, "Your love has changed us."
I hear it every now and then from a voice inside my head, "The love of God has changed you." It never comes to my mind as praise, but rather, as encouragement. I hear it most often when I feel that the opposite is quite true instead.
Sometimes, I feel that I've hit a wall, come to a plateau, gotten lost in a doldrum--however you want to say it; I feel like all my effort has gotten me no where. And when you feel like this spiritually, it can be crushing.
Whenever this feeling comes around, I've learned to take my frustration to God in prayer (it's a lesson I often relearn). The conversation usually goes something like this (for the sake of your time, I'll make it a very short summary):
Me: I just feel like I'm so weak and helpless...
A Small Voice: Aren't you, though?
Again and again, I'm taught that God's power is perfected in weakness. It's not realized in my ability to perfect myself (a rather silly notion when I reflect on it), but in my submission to the simple disciplines: Seek God; love others.
When this thought crosses my mind, the words of Paul usually do as well. "I am confident...that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). God began this work in me--a humbling realization--and it's He who will perfect it, not me.
I say all of that to say that this week has been a week of God shining through (and in spite of) my weaknesses.
I am an introvert. Long conversations, which I am responsible for maintaining the continuity of, exhaust me.
In fact, even the thought of long conversations, which I am responsible for maintaining the continuity of, exhaust me.
There are times when anxiety and exhaustion build and a devil on my shoulder whispers how much he hopes this next reader won't show so I can get some rest.
Those are my favorite times to pray.
I pray for patience; I pray for kindness; I pray for peace; I pray to be re-centered on the reasons I came here: because I love God and I love these people. Mostly, I pray that I could become less and that He could become more.
He's never disappointed me. Not once.
This past week I've had conversations with readers about the meaning of "spiritual rest," the nature of the Holy Spirit, the differences/similarities between Judaism and Christianity, God's plan and purpose for us, and so much more.
Every time, God has given me the love and joy to teach these things. But it's not just a love and joy that He puts into me; it's a love and joy that He draws out of me. I'm humbled by my weaknesses, but even more so by the Holy Spirit moving in me and speaking through me.
The end of the beginning has come. It's a time when you find your footing in an unfamiliar circumstance. I don't know why I ever lose it when I always find it again in the same place, in the simplicity of devotion to Jesus Christ, the Rock.
Despite my introverted nature, I'm overjoyed to be here and to be able to serve God and talk with people the way that I am; I hope I can encourage you with that. When you let your love for your God and Savior become your focus instead of your weaknesses, you stop trying to fix every thing that may be wrong with you. God can work with that. Let Him perfect you. You keep your focus on Him, not you.
We now have 18 readers with more on the way! The numbers keep rising and so does God's blessing. Our first weekend party was a success with 20+ people in attendance (including readers, their family/friends, and church members). We made cookies, small hamburgers, and we played party games like pictionary and got to know our readers on an even more personal level. We often eat meals with readers and are continually blessed by their generosity.
Please keep praying for us as we also thank God for you in our prayers.
Peace.
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